time machines

dear ma,

i ache for you. ache in a way that i hope you were able to do what you wanted to do with your life.

it's sad to know that you didn't fall in love with papa. i know, he's still my father inspite of what he does and doesn't do for us but then if there is a time machine and only i - in the entire universe - have the privilege to go back and change things, i'd yield and let you go instead.

remember just last year when i heard from you, you were that nude (okay, semi-nude) girl in one of the paintings in tita nida's house? and that you were supposed to be a candidate for binibining pilipinas? and you were leaving for manila but papa stopped you at the bus terminal?

that storytelling. when i said, "sayang" because you should've been in Germany and maybe married to a German and had nice children and a better life probably?

hay ma... it's okay if i or my siblings aren't "here", we'd still be here but living a different life. Or maybe you're still our mother living another's life.

then again i know that a higher power all-knowingly placed us where we should be for the best.

i just want you to know mama that i want you to have a life you live because you love it and want it. it's never to late anyway. late is just an idea we conform to i guess.

there's this line from a movie (i forgot)... there is no such thing as too late, that's why they invented death.

but this is not my motto ma don't worry. i will finish school ;)

daughters

dear ma,

you know what? maita and sol said papa should listen to this song.


John Mayer - Daughters

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So, Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

you are my mother

you...
are the most beautiful woman to me.

you...
are perfectly imperfect to me.

you...
are the ultimate mother inspite of your shortcomings.

you...
are one of the best experiences that i have encountered.

you...
are one person i will love neverendingly.